Conversation
by silvermisery
Summary: Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger have a conversation, in which ferrets, morons, the Weasley twins, and fantastic hexes that banish certain important body parts are mentioned. Oh, no. Warning: Cheesiness, Fluff, Sappiness, and a bit of silly Angst.


Conversation

By silvermisery

_Disclaimer: Sad to say, Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger are not mine. Otherwise, Hermione Granger would be my best friend and Draco Malfoy would be…well, let's not go into that, shall we?_

**A/N: This has been hidden away in my files for quite a while, but I suddenly got a brain storm and finished it. **

"I hate you, Granger."

"Aw, is poor ickle Dragon upset?"

"I thought I told you not to call me that."

"You did."

"But?"

"I don't care."

"…Ferret?"

"It wasn't _my _fault."

"Yes it was."

"My—how was it _my _fault?"

"You didn't stop them."

"I was on the other side of the room and half-pissed to boot, my dress was half falling off me and my hair was in my eye. How was I supposed to _stop _them?"

"You just were. You're Hermione Granger, remember? You can do anything."

"Flattery will get you everywhere except for me to admit it's my fault."

"Ha! So you do admit it's your fault! Obliquely."

"Wha—how does saying 'except for me to admit it's my fault' translate to it's my fault?"

"You said you wouldn't admit that it's your fault, therefore you're admitting that it's your fault. In a roundabout sort of way."

"…Draco, that was the most illogical thing I have ever heard anyone say, and bear in mind I've known Harry and Ron since first year."

"You wound me, you really do. I thought Gryffindors were supposed to be nice and sweet and cuddly."

"…"

"But why didn't you _stop _them?"

"We've gone over this before, Draco."

"Let's do it again."

"Let's not."

"Was that the best you can come up with?"

"Draco Malfoy, for the past four hours, I have had to ignore Ron's fumbling advances toward Lavendar, turned a blind eye to Harry and Ginny's enthusiastic snogging, get half-drunk, try to keep this piece of cloth from falling off me, and put with your whining and bitching about a single incident that happened for maybe _ten _minutes during an otherwise fantastic party. I am incredibly tired, bone-weary, and _dangerously close to losing my patience._"

"That was an impressive rant."

"Draco—huh, my God, you're impossible."

"I try."

"Malfoy, was that you just being _modest_?"

"Well…"

"I thought that was impossible."

"No, that's me."

"I take back everything complimentary I have ever said about you. You're incorrigible."

"I know. And that, by the way, was a compliment."

"It wasn't supposed to be."

"I know, but that's how it turned out. Anyway, what are you going to do?"

"Take a Hangover Potion, go to sleep, and dump you out on your arse?"

"Yes to the first one, no to the second, and definitely not to the third. No you moron, about me being turned into a moronic ferret—again—by your moronic friends at the moronic party."

"Draco—did you just say moron (or the derivation) four times in a sentence?"

"Well, if you put it that way…who says _derivation _in a normal sentence anyway?"

"Don't change the subject. What happened to your long rant about the need for a properly extensive vocabulary?"

"That was because your friend Weasley had just said the words Bloody Hell ten times in a row. And you're the one changing the subject."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"…Was that really the best you could come up with?"

"Yeah, because 'am not' is the epitome of maturity."

"You know what epitome means?"

"Stop insulting my intelligence, Granger, and get back to the point. What fantastic hex or curse are you going to spring on the Weasley twins? Is it going to involve the one where you banish their bollocks to America? Because if so, I want to watch. It was really quite spectacular the time you tried it on—"

"Nothing."

"Hermione, is my hearing going? I could have sworn you just said nothing."

"It isn't, and I did."

"Wha—what do you mean nothing!?"

"I mean just that. Nothing."

"Why—but I'm your _boyfriend! _You're supposed to defend me, and all that!"

"Isn't the _boyfriend _supposed to defend my honor and all that?"

"Well yes, but you're the Gryffindor!"

"So?"

"So you Gryffindors are brave and heroic and all that rot, so you protect me!"

"It didn't really hurt you."

"Oh, but it did."

"You sound very assured."

"Maybe that's because I am? Anyway, it was very traumatic."

"Is that so?"

"Even my father's extensive wealth will have a hard time paying off these therapy bills for this incident. You have no idea what a delicate psyche I have. It only takes the smallest things to set it off—"

"Trust me, I know all about that."

"Ha-bloody-ha, Granger."

"Thank you."

"Her—_mi_—one…"

"Stop whining."

"I am not whining. Malfoys do not do anything as undignified as whine."

"Oh, so you object in a dignified manner, huh?"

"Exactly!"

"…That was sarcasm."

"Sarcasm is the mark of a weak mind."

"The pot is talking to the teapot."

"Isn't it, 'the pot is talking to the kettle'?"

"Originally, yes, but I'm not as black as the kettle. I'm a teapot who occasionally gets soot on me. Therefore it's even more ridiculous for you to point that out."

"…"

"Astounded by my wit?"

"No. Flabbergasted by just how lame that was."

"Speaking of lame…"

"No, Granger, you are NOT changing the subject again. You have to do something about those idiot Weasley twins!"

"I _have _to do nothing."

"Hermione, come on. Please??"

"No."

"Why _not_?"

"We are not going over this again."

"Yes we are."

"No we're not."

"Brilliant, Granger."

"Thank you."

"…"

"…"

"I hate you."

"No, you don't."

"Yes I do."

"No, actually you don't, or you would have broken up with me by now."

"…Damn you and your logic."

"You mean my stunning intelligence."

"No, I mean…whatever. Just—whatever."

"Draco—you don't actually _care, _do you?"

"I thought you said it didn't matter."

"No, I meant—look, I didn't mean you weren't important."

"Whatever, Granger. Look, I'll stop bothering you, all right? Just—yeah, whatever. Shut up."

"Draco, you were acting like a drama que—"

"I said _alright_! I'll stop bothering you and being melodramatic."

"Honey, if it's really that important to you—"

"Just _drop it._"

"Draco. I mean it. If it's really that important to you, I'll talk to them, all right?"

"What? Aren't you scared you'll _ruin your friendship _with them over something _unimportant _like me?

"I didn't mean that—"

"Of _course _you didn't."

"Look, I just thought it wasn't that big of a deal, okay? You know, pranks and practical jokes are what Fred and George do. They're legendary for it."

"Yeah, I know. It's just that I'm tired of the way you treat me around your old friends."

"Like what?"

"Like you're continually apologizing for me being there."

"I don't act like that!"

"You do. And the Weasley twins don't like me."

"Draco—look, I'll talk to them all right? I didn't know. And I _don't _feel ashamed of you."

"It's fine, Hermione."

"No, really. If you really feel like that. Especially about me being ashamed about you. I'm not. And I honestly didn't know they didn't like you. I thought we were all over that by now. Well, as over it as we'll ever get."

"Looks like _some _of you are pretty over it."

"Oh?"

"Or was it my imagination that somebody was begging pretty hard for me to do that thing with my tongue again? I'd say that's as over it as you can get it."

"Oh, you…"

"Yes?"

"We didn't even do anything much!"

"Not for my lack of trying."

"It was just a few kisses!"

"Right…a few kisses…taken a bit lower down."

"All right, so maybe it was a bit of snogging. It wasn't like…you make it sound!"

"And what do I make it sound like?"

"…You're impossible."

"But you love me anyway."

"Yes. Yes, I do, and I would never be ashamed of you…except maybe when you pranced around drunk off your arse singing, "When a Wiz Loves a Witchard…"

"_Hermione!_"

"Just kidding."


End file.
